Husband vs Wife Roles ~ Do We Balance?

Last night I was cleaning up the kitchen and began thinking. We had just finished eating dinner and as soon as the boys, Hubby included, were done they head to the living room for some nightly tv watching. What sports game could they find on tonight. I’m rinsing off my own plate in the sink and I hear Hubby tell the kids to make sure that they had brought their dishes to the sink for me. Thanks Hubby.

I say Thanks, sarcastically in my head. I remember the days when one of us would cook and the other one would clean. Those days are gone as the kitchen domain seems to be all mine. Wait, I think the whole house is all mine. I can not think of one chore that Hubby takes on anymore.

When I was a child, my mom was a mostly-stay-at-home-mom. She cooked and cleaned and was very good at it. My dad never did a thing. My situation seems to mirror that of my mom’s, except that I am not good at cooking and cleaning. It’s a real struggle for me to plan weekly meals and the house never seems to be in order.

Sometimes I feel frustrated. I hear about other mamas and how they have helpful husbands who vacuum up the bedrooms and tackle laundry and I am more then jealous.

Then, I stop and take a breather. Reflect on how he does help me.

He takes over the kids. He is a better playmate than me ~ throwing the baseball out in the yard, wrestling on the floor, even bonding as they shout at the tv for their favorite team. He is getting them out of my hair for a bit. Giving me a chance to relax or get my stuff done.

He provides for us. He spends his days at work….opening a new business in a town where we knew no one. He does this so I can stay at home with the boys, which is what I want to do. I worked outside the home more in my children’s life than I’ve stayed home, so I know what it is like and I am very grateful.

He kills the bugs. The other day C’Man and O’Bear were straightening up their room and they suddenly yell ‘frog frog!’ Yes, there was a dead frog in their room. On the 2nd floor. ewwwwwwwwwww. Last night I found a huge roach in my cabinet. Hubby to the rescue! I am not picking up these things!

I won’t go into the other roles he plays like handyman and lawn mower, but sometimes I just need to slow down and think…

Yes, we balance each other out.

How does it work at your house?


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  • I'm one of those you'd probably dislike;). Hubby makes dinner practically every night. There are 3 people in our household, so we all do dishes two nights a week. I get an extra night since he does the cooking, which is fine with me! Perhaps if you talk to your husband and let him know that you wouldn't mind a night off from doing the dishes. It's amazing what they'll do if you just let them know! Michelle
  • Great post! I sometimes find myself feeling resentful of my husband not helping around the house. Years ago all I did was pay the bills and he did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, etc. Fast forward and now all he does is pay the bills (and he complains about it every second). I do ALL the chores, all the home repairs, all the yard work, etc. Our roles have changed dramatically. We both used to work full time, but a few years ago I stopped working to be a stay at home mom. He still works. He *does* take the oldest to school at 7:00 every morning (although the littlest wakes about 7 am daily, so it's not like I'm sleeping in or anything, and I'm the one who wakes with her through the night so he can rest, so it's a trade off). I could go on and on. I love my husband and have told him a thousand times how sorry I am I took for granted all he did for so many years. He is a great father, a great husband and my best friend. I just wish he would start helping around the house again. lol!
  • I have to say you come out ahead of me because my husband only plays with our daughter who just turned 2, for short periods of time. He has only gotten up with her on the weekends a handful of times since she was born and even less at night, he has never bathed her alone and only has bathed her with me a couple times. It makes me crazy sometimes, most especially when he says he would like to have at least four kids. He does support us financially so that I can stay home, and he mows the lawn, and takes the trash out and cleans the litter box after a lot of pestering. I'm usually ok with him not helping out with the housework, until he complains about enough not being done, which as anyone with a toddler knows it is hard to keep the house clean for very long, especially being pregnant! I know he loves his daughter I just wish he would participate more in her life.
  • I think it is easy to focus on ourselves, especially when we are home all day. But in the end, God does not call us to think about oursleves, but Him rather. In doing so, we become humbled and softened to serve our husbands and families....which is being obedient to God. When we live life according to His way, we will see fruit. God bless!
  • My husband gets mouse and dead bird in the yard jobs. Yuck! My husband does help around the house and I appreciate it a lot. I know you mentioned husbands' role of provider, but I don't think it would hurt for your husband to rinse his plate, silverware, and cup and place them in the dishwasher. Your older son could probably help too. I have taught my kids to scrub and nest (hand washables) and scrub and load dishwasher-safe items. My 6 y.o. and 4 y.o. sometimes help with that too. Also, have you considered having your kids help unload part of the dishwasher? Silverware is generally an easy job and if two kids work as a team, plates can usually be put away by kids as well. Basically, see what tasks you can train your children to do so that as they get older they can help around the house. Bathroom cleaning is one area I LOVE my kids to help out in. (Vacuuming is another area for kids.) Do they do as good a job as a grown-up? Probably not, but at least it's somewhat clean. You know what I mean? Sorry for my rambling comment. =)
  • My husband works 10 hours a day outside in the South Florida heat, then comes home and helps me with my work when I need him, which is running a 32 unit condo rental complex. We do 85% of the maintenance and since hubby is gone most of the day, I try to do as much as I can without asking him. After all, I work for the property management company, not him. This all on top of running a household like a WAHM and taking care of our tween daughter who has Epilepsy, and needs alot of medical care. My days are very, very long sometimes, and I feel like I have no life because I eat, sleep, and live at my I have to leave home to get a break. It is very difficult taking care of a complex and my family too, but this is how I contribute to our household, with free rent. Still, it enables me to not have to work outside the home, and do what needs to be done at the same time, and at least taking some of the financial strain off my husband by not having a rent/mortgage payment.
  • Terrific post! I needed the reminder that I too need to take a few steps back, slow down and think…I get a little annoyed sometimes - which are undeserved. Thank you for the insight
  • I hear you. My husband rarely does any household chore. In fact, I've gotten so frustrated with it that I've gone on strike with the dishes. Needless to say we have a huge pile of dirty dishes and no clean plates, cups, or silverware. I have decided I will load the dishwasher with only what the kids and I have used. Hubby. An do his own. If I run out of Dishes I'll hand wash what I need. Who knows how long I can last with this, but hopefully it will help get my point across
  • AHHHH.... that was fun to read! Brings back memories..... lol Your dad had a long list of nice things that he did also.... :)

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